In the field of mental health, we often talk about a client's ability to perform Activities of Daily Living (or ADLs, because we mental health types tend to talk in alphabet soup). These are activities related to hygiene, ability to cook and care for oneself, ability to complete chores, ability to function appropriately in social settings, ability to budget and manage finances, and just generally things that most adults are able to do for themselves.
There are times when adults aren't able to complete ADLs for themselves. Illness tends to be a big factor in this, whether it's physical or mental illness. Those who know my professional persona typically see someone that's fairly high energy, on-the-go, jumping from one task to the next, being the calm in the storm, great in a crisis type of person. I'm the one who can strike up a conversation at the hair salon or in the grocery store with complete strangers. It's not fake; I genuinely care about people and I genuinely enjoy what I do. I enjoy what I do for a living, and I want to be the kind of person other people enjoy working with.
But I have to admit, it's an act. I don't fake being sick; I fake being well. And yes, there are times when I can be considered someone who is unable to complete their ADLs. There are many everyday tasks that can be difficult for individuals with chronic pain/invisible illness to complete. Here are a few things that can be challenges:
Showering
Showering can be an interesting experience. Many people with autoimmune disease/fibromyalgia/chronic pain experience a condition called Dysautonomia, which can cause exhaustion, tachycardia (fast heart beat), and the feeling that one might faint (or that one might actually faint). While the heat from the shower can help ease some of the pain and relax muscles, the heat from showering can also cause other problems.
For someone like me, without a working internal thermostat, the heat can cause me to overheat quite easily. Conversely, a cooler shower can also cause problems because the cooler water can trigger my Reynaud's phenomenon.
It's not uncommon for me to sit in the tub of the shower to bathe while the shower is running, or to take baths and use the handheld shower-head to wash my hair. But there are days when bathing in the morning just does me in for the day.
Cooking
I love to cook, and I'm a pretty good one. There's nothing quite as exciting as getting new recipes or walking through the produce section of a Whole Foods or a farmer's market during the summer months and seeing all of the great produce. I can come up with fantastic recipes off the top of my head, and I love cooking with fresh herbs from my garden.
But I had to learn awhile ago that I had to make a choice. After working all day, I don't have the energy to cook meals. Some days, I barely have energy to heat something up in the microwave. Sometimes I just hurt too much to stand any longer.
This is where it becomes a trade-off. I'm fortunate in that my husband is willing to do much of the cooking and I try to help with finding easy and health recipes that can make leftovers. I still get to cook at times, but it's usually relegated to weekends and I usually throw something together for the crock pot. I have to be honest, though. If it weren't for him, ensuring that I ate regularly would be a problem.
Cleaning
Flat out, I pay someone to come clean regularly. I learned a long time ago that if my priority was being able to work that meant two things when it came to cleaning: 1) I wasn't going to be able to work full time and clean my house regularly and 2) paying someone else to clean is a necessary expense for my health.
Now, housecleaning happens every other week, and so we still have to do things like dishes and laundry and general day-to-day cleaning, and that can still be a challenge. I've had to be okay with shortcuts on some things. Again, my husband has had to take on more than his fair share of chores. And I've had to learn to ask for help...which I'm still working on.
Paying Bills
This is where brain fog can really cause problems. It's so easy to simply forget to pay a bill unless there's some sort of system in place. For me, I actually put which bills to pay when on my calendar on my computer and my banking is all online. (The issues with my hands have become worse over the last few months and typing is infinitely easier for me than writing checks.) But I admit, there are times when due dates slip by.
Part of self-care means taking care of these activities. There are some aids to help with showering and cleaning, but it can also mean sometimes those of us dealing with Chronic Pain/Invisible Illness need to reach out and ask for assistance. It's hard to admit that one has trouble with tasks that a "normal person" takes for granted, particularly when we're talking about a disability that's invisible.
To friends and supporters of someone dealing with Chronic Pain/Invisible Illness, be there. Be willing to listen and support. Don't judge. Don't make jokes about these sorts of things. Be honored if they ask you for help and support, because that means they trust you.
To the Chronic Pain Warriors/Individuals with Invisible Illness, let your supporters help you. Be gentle with yourself. And do what you need to do to take care of yourself, even if it means having to put other things on that "to do" list aside.
Definitions of medical conditions listed in my medical chart
