Don't Judge Me on What You Can't See (Or The Invisible part of "Invisible Illness")

I read another post on FaceBook today about a young woman who legally parked in a disabled accessible space (with her placard hanging from the rear view mirror) who received a nasty note on her windshield because she "took a spot from a person who was actually handicapped."  The post went on to detail that the young woman has Lupus. The fact is that this sort of judgement shouldn't happen.  If someone has a disabled placard, that's between them, their doctor, and the DMV.  (If someone parks in a accessible spot without a placard or plates, it's okay to say something.  In fact, please do.)

This isn't the first time I've read of individuals with invisible illness being harassed over their legitimate use of accessible spots.  Heck, it's happened to me a few times.

This is what someone generally sees when I get out of a car: A youngish woman who doesn't require assistance walking (most of the time) and has no discernible disability who can walk at a moderate pace.

There's a lot they don't see.  They don't see that I'm likely in a great deal of pain from walking.  They don't see that I don't have the energy to park further away and still be out and do what I need to do. They don't see that when my body says "I'm done", it doesn't give me a lot of warning.  They don't see my balance issues or my dizzy spells and they don't know that I'm prone to tripping over my own feet and injuring myself.  They don't feel my heart pound from movement when I'm particularly fatigued.

This occurs in any situation where someone is using something deemed "accessible" but has an invisible disability.  And quite frankly, no one should have to explain to anyone why they require use of disabled accessible items, such as parking or the bathroom stall.  It's no one else's business.

I don't have any sage advice for dealing with people making ignorant comments.  Over the years, I've developed a comfort level confronting comments such as these in a direct, yet diplomatic manner. But it's not easy for everyone to do that, and I completely understand those who choose to ignore it and say nothing.

To the people who pass judgements on us, learn our stories.  We don't share the same story, our pain isn't the same, our experience isn't the same, but you don't need the specific reasons for why we require accessible spaces and places.  Despite what you see, we ARE disabled, and that's something we'd prefer you accept with no comment.


Definitions of Medical Conditions Listed in my Medical Chart