I'm also extremely fortunate to be married to my best friend. Peter and I have been together for 14 years, married for almost 11 now, and so he has been with me through some of the worst times of my health stuff. He's one of the greatest support systems a person could ask for. I recognize that it's not easy being the healthy spouse (or healthier spouse) of a chronically ill individual, and it does take a lot of time and energy on his part to care for me, support me, and just generally deal with what life throws at us.
We genuinely enjoy spending time together. We're both creative souls, and enjoy artistic endeavors. Plus, neither of us are afraid of trying new things and learning new stuff. Before things started going really downhill for me health wise, we were always on the go, going on drives in the area just to explore. (I'd have my camera gear with me, of course.) We both share a love of outdoor spaces and he has spent many a trip helping me out of a creek I fell into (trying to get a photo shot), keeping me from falling down a rock into a creek (trying to get a shot), and slamming on the breaks when I went to jump out of a still moving vehicle (trying to get a shot.) (See a theme here? Yeah, my husband's married to a bit of a handful.)
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| © Tiffany Greer Photography |
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| © Tiffany Greer Photography |
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| © Tiffany Greer Photography |
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| © Tiffany Greer Photography |
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| © Tiffany Greer Photography |
Even after all these years, he's still a fun and interesting guy to hang out with because we have things in common we love to do, but also we both enjoy learning and growing about new things.
What's the secret? Our communication is pretty great. We talk about everything. But it's a bit more than that. There's another piece that's huge for both of us.
Humor. We use a lot of humor around here. People who overhear some of our conversations may wonder about us as sarcasm and quick wit are the cornerstone of our humor, but I truly believe it's humor that's kept us from getting stuck in the hard stuff.
I use humor whenever I can, sometimes to the surprise and (mild) horror of my medical team. Those who have gotten to know me know that it's how I cope. I'd rather be laughing about it than crying. It's helped me through a lot of really hard situations, and fortunately, I have a partner who gets that.
So, I wanted to share a selection of conversations we've had involving my health stuff and humor, maybe to inspire your own. (Don't worry; I'm keeping the particularly gruesome stuff out of it.)
(Background: My Rheumatologist ordered a 24 hour urine test to monitor my kidneys. I get to collect my urine for a 24 hour period of time in a container that's meant to be kept cold. They suggest a refrigerator.)
Me: *sigh* I don't want to keep this in the refrigerator.
Him: How about a cooler? We can get one of those Styrofoam ones.
Me: *nods* That sounds good.
Him: Because I'm also not going to let you store it in my lunchbox.
(Still about the same test, just on a different day.)
Him: What are you thinking about?
Me: I'm just thinking about the logistics of this 24 hour collection test.
Him: Do it on Sunday and I can drop it off on my way to work on Monday.
Me: I was actually thinking about the cooler and how to keep it cool. *pause* But thank you for offering to drop off my 'Jug of Pee' at the doctor's office. That's very sweet of you.
(On a particularly slow moving morning where I was having a lot of difficulty with fatigue and dizziness.)
Him: (After helping me into the tub for a shower) It's times like this I wish you had a port. I could just hook you up to a banana bag.
Me: (Laying on the floor of the tub--and not entirely joking) Oh, that sounds awesome. I could totally go for a banana bag right now.
(Background: I'm a really restless sleeper. The fact that I can throw all the covers, blankets, and pillows around in my sleep is an ongoing conversation in our household. This brief conversation took place after a particularly bad night for me.)
Me: (Upon waking at 5 AM and seeing the sheet balled up on top of me, the comforter on the floor on his side of the bed, the blanket bunched up at the foot of the bed, my 8 foot body pillow skewed across the bed, and my four pillows in various corners in the room.) Please tell me I had help doing this.
Him: (Helping me putting the bed back together.) Nope. This was all you.
Me: What time did you get up?
Him: An hour ago.
Me: I did this all in an hour!?!?
Him: No wonder you're so tired. You do all your exercise in your sleep.
Me: It's called multitasking, babe.
For both of us, humor is a coping skill that we use to deal with some of the hard stuff. It doesn't mean I don't get upset or frustrated or have bad days--because I have all of those in spades. But having a supportive partner who can laugh their way through some of the more ridiculous moments is priceless, and I'm grateful for him.
A list of definitions in my medical chart
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